Make Yourself Irresistible

Neil Clark Warren
for the eHarmony Research Library

Every single person I know wants to be more attractive, and most of them work at it. They buy fashionable clothes. They get their hair cut in current styles and exercise to stay shapely. I happen to believe those are good ways to make yourself more attractive. But people are often shocked to learn that the key to being irresistibly attractive is much simpler than the cut of your hair or clothes.

I won't try and tell you that being attractive has nothing to do with your appearance, but if you can master a single skill, your appearance will seem more attractive to everyone. And what's more, people will simply want to be around you. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

The attitude you present to the world is your key to being irresistibly attractive. If you get your attitude right, your life will be a thousand percent more enjoyable. For instance, if you wake up in the morning and focus on all the things that are exciting and meaningful in your life, your energy level will be high. You will be eager to meet the day head on.

William James, one of America's all-time most thoughtful psychologists, put it succinctly: "It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome."

Focus on the positive in your life, and you will automatically become more appreciative, more thankful.  Life will take on bright colors. One of the apostle Paul's most significant growth principles is this one:  "Start by giving thanks." 

Everybody loves being around positive people, people who find the good in every situation and in every person they encounter. Even the person who develops these positive attitudes enjoys being around himself significantly more. When you start to meet potential dating candidates, your positive attitude sends very strong subliminal signals. It says, "I feel great about life. If you spend time with me, you're going to feel as good as I do." My friends, that is a powerful source of attraction.

My highly esteemed and close friend, Dr. Lewis Smedes, a professor of social ethics and the author of many acclaimed books, recently put it to me as succinctly as it can be put: "Gratitude is at the very heart of contentment. My sense of satisfaction in life springs from the feeling of gratitude. I have never met a truly thankful, appreciative person who is not happy. So close are gratitude and contentment that I would equate them."

What I keep discovering about myself and the people to whom I relate is that gratitude and affirmation raise the richness of our interactions to the highest possible level.

It happened again last night. My wife and I were eating at a local restaurant when I noticed in the next booth an old friend whom I had not seen for many years. He was all by himself. I called to him, and he came over to our table. After a few short minutes of interaction, I told him what I thought: "Floyd, I am reminded of what a good mind you have, and I will never forget what a great heart you have." I meant every word of it, and he knew I did. And he beamed! I was expressing my appreciation for his gifts, which I had encountered through the years. And my expression had a powerful affect on him.

This kind of interaction will have a profound affect on your dating life. The next time you feel a strong attraction towards someone, take special note of your attitude and your sense of gratitude for the positive things in your life. As you talk to this person in whom you're interested, let this positive wash over you. I can guarantee you will notice the difference.

The apostle Paul encourages us to see the positive and then to respond to God with thanksgiving. When you do, you make an investment in your own contentment, you enrich yourself clear to the center of your soul, and you maximize every relationship you have.